Temple of the Cult of the Golden Orb (Dana Carvey)

Taken from an interview with a member of the Cult of the Golden Orb:

"We are the Cult of the Golden Orb. Our master teaches us that every Tuesday at 2:30 PM, Eastern Standard Time, we are to hold a medium-sized red hot chili pepper between our buttocks for 19 hours, and repeat the Sacred Mantra, 'Giddyup Horsy', 51 times. Then, per our instrutions, we put on our sandpaper pants and get in the plastic punishment room. We ask each other the Holy Question: 'Are you The Lemon?' 'No.' 'Are you The Lemon?' 'No.' 'Are you The Lemon?' 'No.' This can go on for weeks or months. Finally, someone says 'I think I am The Lemon.' They are slapped across the face, stripped naked, and fitted with a special diaper made of pudding skins and duct tape. They wear wax lips and hum the theme to 'Hawaii Five-O' 47 times. Then, they straddle a chicken. A small chimpanzee is attached to their back. They are fitted in a harness and hoisted a hundred feet in the air. They are lowered slowly into a vat of lukewarm chocolate pudding as the other church members grab hands and chant the Sacred Prayer: 'Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies.'"

Not much is known about their temple, aside from the fact that it has a plastic punishment room and looks slightly like a pagoda.

OOC: What the heck?

OOC: Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies.

OOC: How did you make all this up? How does your brain work?

OOC: I didn't. Dana Carvey did.

OOC: The Ruby of Infinity should be in here.

OOC: Is that even a real person?

OOC: Yes. He might be the lemon.

OOC: Who is stupid enough to believe this stuff?

OOC: *points at Karasz, then whistles innocently*

OOC: *Glares at TUZL* Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies.

OOC: Why did you even make this topic?

A Squatting Monkey walks into the topic.

Squatting Monkey: TUZL doesn't find this funny, and so we shall feast on him tonight.

Small chimpanzees holding medium-sized chili peppers "OOK!" in agreement.

Random Person: That monkey thinks its the lemon.

A chimpanzee slaps the monkey across the face as the chimpanzees and various human cultists do the usual procedure.

The Monkey eats the pudding, then attempts to squat.

Monkey: You will release me.

Cultist: Ok.
One of the cultists dives into the infinate vat of pudding and throws the monkey out.

The Monkey continues squatting.

Monkey: You will now have a civil war.

Cultist: But I don't wanna!

Squatting Monkey: That means that I'm lying, which is impossible.

Cultist: Point taken. Which means you must not be a real monkey!

Monkey: Prove it.

Cultist 1: LET'S UNMASK YOU AND SEE WHO YOU REALLY ARE!
Cultist 2: Rokay!
The cultists pull off the monkey's head.
Cultist 3: ZOINKS! He was a real monkey after all!

Monkey: Ow.